Ask A Urinal – Wisdom From Bathroom Graffitti

Dear Urinal,
I recently translated the statement that I would walk 5 miles over broken glass to eat a peanut out of Emma Watsons feces to Japanese and back to english again, but forgot what it said, can you remind me?

What should my feelings be when I can’t seem to sum up what the government tells me?

Dear Urinal, What did the alien say to the waitress?

Dear Urinal: I need a new slogan for my toilet manufacturing company that caters to people very angry people. Any thoughts?

Dear Urinal,
What did the dung beetle say to the Elephant, (other than “DON’T STEP ON ME.”)?

Dear Urinal,
The toilet won’t flush my Piece of dung. What should I do now?

Dear Urinal, you are too much of a pussy to eat my shit. Whatchu gotta say about that, punk?

Dear Urinal: What should I write in my job application for Jamie Oliver’s official food taster?

Dear Urinal, you seem to be full of wisdom, but did you know that those who write on bathroom walls, roll their shit in tiny balls. but those who read those words of wit, eat those tiny balls of shit. me = +1, you = 0

Dear Urinal, my name is Shooter McGavin and I want breakfast….any suggestions?

Dear Urinal … it looks like we’re locked in this bathroom until someone braves the zombie apocalypse outside to find and rescue us. How will we sustain ourselves?

Dear Urinal: I can’t understand the language of Duke Nukem’s aliens. What do they say?

Dear Urinal, Isn’t it difficult to eat shit with those razor sharp teeth?

Dear Urinal: I tried making dinner tonight, but I’ve never cooked before. If I come over with it, will you try some?

Dear Urinal, How can I let management know that I am a dedicated, hard-working employee who wants to see our company succeed and thrive?

Dear Urinal: What’s the average attitude of conspiracy theorists towards alternative news stations?

@Alex HANDS DOWN, “ALEX” HAS THE COMMENT WIN!!!!

Dear Urinal, what did she say to that girl with the cup?

Chris M. :
Dear Urinal, you are too much of a pussy to eat my shit. Whatchu gotta say about that, punk?

Awesomeness.

Dear Urinal,
How do I assure my friends that fecal matter is welcome at my potlucks?

Dear Urinal, I feel very guilty about burdening you with my waste and as such have become rather constipated. I have a copy of Sports Illustrated and some Ex-Lax. Should I go for it?

Dear Urinal, If you were my high school gym coach how would you help to cure me of my constipation?

Dear Urinal: What did 1cup say to the 2girls?

Dear Urinal, why does everybody think that toilet next to you is intimidating?

Dear Urinal, What should I avoid saying to a guy on a first date?

Alex :Dear Urinal, my name is Shooter McGavin and I want breakfast….any suggestions?

WIN!

Dear Urinal, how do you respond when people shit in a urinal?

Dear Urinal,
What happens if someone poops in a urinal?

Dear Urinal, what are the symptoms of the medical condition called ‘pica’?

dear urinal: my mother doesnt feel like i appreciate all that she does for me, what could i say to her at dinner tonight that may help?

Dear Urinal, the toilet said you can’t take a little Scat porn, is it true?

Dear Urinal: What did 1cup say to the 2girls?