Ask A Urinal – Wisdom From Bathroom Graffitti

Dear urinal

What would a trannie sucking someone off look like?

Dear Urinal: Do you know anything about Botticelli’s early work?

Dear Urinal, What do you like to do on weekends?

Dear Urinal, did Picasso ever do porn?

Dear Urinal, I’m okay with double chins, but I’m not so sure about the double ballsack

Dear Urinal, I just called to catch up with my mother, but she won’t answer her phone…What is she doing these days?

Dear Urinal, my girl just ain’t putting out these days, can you help?

Dear Urinal, I have no hands but I would still like to please my man. Do you have any suggestions or perhaps a diagram?

Dear Urinal, My boss, Mr. Letterman, just called me into his office. What does he want?

Dear Urinal, how to the artistically impaired express their sexual desires?

Dear Urinal, Working hard, training seminars and being a great team player don’t seem to be getting me anywhere. I was recently passed over for a promotion…again. What am I leaving out?

Dear Urinal, my girlfriend’s an archeologist. How can I show her I have interest in Egyptian hieroglyphs?

Dear Urinal: Is it true that cavemen wrote the first sex book?

Dear Urinal: I want to make a dessert for my boyfriend. Is there one that all men like?

Dear Urinal, my son may have accidentally seen some of my more “adult” videos. Will he be OK when asked to draw in school?

Dear Urinal, I’m twelve, my friends are talking about this ‘BJ’ thing, any simple diagrams you can show me?

Dear urinal,
My hands vanished and I have been having a hard time pleasing my man. Any other suggestions?

Dear Urinal,

I’m so pissed. I was just “hanging out” with Chris M’s mother, and some kid came by and took a picture of us! He said he’s gonna hang it up in a public restroom! Have you seen it?

Dear Urinal: What would fellatio look like in a two dimensional alternate reality?

Dear Urinal, I heard something about a deleted seen from that movie Ghost, Do you have any idea what that scene was?

Dear Urinal, What would it look like if Peter Griffin had a longer nose?

Dear Urinal: What happens when you have a wet dream?

hahaha some of these are just gold

Dear Urinal, I’m lonely but I have no internet connection. Is there anything you can do to help a guy out?

Dear Urinal, Can I get a blowjob from Raggedy Ann?

Dear Urinal, what are you thinking about?

OK, now Corky, from the hit show- Life Goes On, draw for the jury what you did to your mother before you killed her.

Dear Urinal, If a man had never seen a woman naked and was too fat to see his own package, what would he think a blowjob looked like?

Dear Urinal, my older brother was talking about oral sex and how great it feels. I want my girlfriend to try it on me but I’m not sure what she’s supposed to do. Can you give me some advice?

Dear Urinal, How do I get a boyfriend?

Dear Urinal, What would it look like if Picasso had drawn the Kama Sutra?

Dear Urinal, I am incredibly short and one of my testicles sits behind the other as opposed to them being side by side. What would it look like if I received oral sex from a woman with no hands, asymmetrical breasts, and a face that is bent inward?

Dear Urinal,

My mom just taught me about the birds and the bees, but it seems like it would get old after a while. Is there anything else around?

Dear Urinal: My friend accused my relationship with my girlfriend of being “two-dimensional.” What does this mean?

Dear Urinal,
I very much like smoking weed, naked, but since the accident, I can no longer hold my bong. Are there any out there that will not only allow me to medicate my glaucoma well but allow me to feel slutty while doing it?

Dear Urinal,

What I lack in correctly formed upper body parts I make up for in my acceptance to take mutilated lower body parts, but the normal way just doesn’t fit – can you help?

Dear Urinal,
What are the Vietnam veterans up to now?

Dear Urinal, After one too many spam emails, I decided to go ahead and have my penis enlarged. Now it feels too big though. What’s the fastest way to have an inch or two taken back off?

Dear Urinal, what does my mom like to do on the weekends?

Dear Urinal, I lost my hand and legs in a prostitution accident. How can I keep my job?

dear urinal, what comes in to your head when we talk about your mum?

Dear Urinal, politics are confusing, so can you tell me what your definition of is… is?

Dear Urinal, if an Egyptian child got caught mid graffiti in your humble space, what would it look like? And was this a funny joke in its time?

Dear Urinal, What is a Scottish bagpipe like ?

Dear Urinal,
How did Amy Winehouse get her career started?

Dear Urinal, I have heard a lot about Lewinskies and not to wear blue dresses when giving them. What exactly is a Lewinsky?

Dear Urinal,

Has the sequel to “Ghost” with Patrick Swayze finally arrived?

Dear Urinal, Will she notice that my genitals are deformed?

Dear Urinal, What happens if I do acid while getting a blowjob?

Dear Urinal, I cannot afford to purchase the Kama Sutra. Can you give me a quick tip for pleasuring my girlfriend?