Ask A Urinal – Wisdom From Bathroom Graffitti

Dear Urinal gimme some chinese advice on how to deal with my mother in law!

Dear Urinal: I have been brooding over my neighbor’s yappy dog that keeps me up at night. I have remained silent, bottling it up, but I can’t take it anymore… What is your advice on what to do?

What should I tell my kids to make them quiet????

Dear Urinal, I want to abduct this chick I saw in the bar but I’m afraid she’ll scream if I try… What do you suggest?

Dear Urinal: My wife and kids never shut up when I drive. Any suggestions?

What were the last words Caleigh Anthony heard?

Dear Urinal: What should I tell Simon Cowell if I ever meet him?

Dear urinal, This drunk girl out there keeps talking and won’t go silent. Not even for a minute. What should I do?

Dear Urinal, My girlfriend has hinted that she wants some jewellery for her birthday, but I’m broke. What should I get her?

Dear urinal, my friend keeps threatening me and telling me to shut up. He’s not really going to do anything, is he?

Dear Urinal,

Will anything ever come of my alchemical transubstantiation experiments? Should I try something other than lead?

Dear Urinal: I can’t remember Beijing Olympic Games motto. What was it?

Dear Urinal, I’m tired of my wife complaining about everything the whole god damn day on our vacation. What should I do?

Dear Urinal: I need a catchy catchphrase for when I kidnap women and pit them in a pit in my basement. Any ideas?

Dear Urinal: Now that the economy is screwed, what do we use for currency?

Dear Urinal, What would be a movie usher’s motto in a perfect world?

Dear Urinal, there’s a girl next to me in the library who won’t get off her cell phone. What should I do?

Dear Urinal,
Mffff mmmffff ummmmfff mfff hmmmfff?

Dear Urinal,
Somebody in my class can’t shut up. What should I do to stop us all from being annoyed?

What’s the best advice you can give Perez Hilton?

Dear Urinal,
What can I do to get people to shut up? NOBODY ever shuts up, and when I ask them to shut up, they tell me “Shut the f**k up! I can’t hear myself think when you yell like that!” WHAT DO I DO??????????

Dear Urinal – Do you have any parenting advice for me?

Dear Urinal, I’m a professional writer for fortune cookies and am making a batch for the Kardashian family but am having some writers block…what should I write?

Ezrekia :
Dear Urinal, My girlfriend has hinted that she wants some jewellery for her birthday, but I’m broke. What should I get her?

won’t get better than this one.

Dear Urinal, there’s this girl that lives next door to me that I’d really like to sleep with. Any advice?

Dear Urinal,

What should I get my wife for our 25th anniversary?

Dear Urinal, which t-shirt catch-phrase would be the most bad-ass thing for me to write on this wall?

Dear Urinal, Miss Manners wasn’t able to answer this, but perhaps you can: what’s the rule for when you have to fart in public?

Matt :
Dear Urinal,
Mffff mmmffff ummmmfff mfff hmmmfff?

Best one of the day. I laughed until I couldn’t breathe when I read that.

Dear Urinal, The guy I kidnapped is stoned and likes shiny things what can I say to shut them up and keep them busy?

Dear Urinal, I need something that is silver and gold for my art project, but everything I can think of has been done. Can you help?

Dear Urinal: I want to write a song and dedicate it to Kanye West, but I need inspiration for a title. Can you help?

my name is MacGyver and i need a new motto, what should it be?

Matt :
Dear Urinal,
Mffff mmmffff ummmmfff mfff hmmmfff?

If this doesn’t win, there is no justice.

Dear Urinal: My wife is a former Olympian, How should I tell her what i want for my birthday?

Dear Urinal, There’s a guy in class who keeps keeps talking to me about WoW. How do you suggest I get him to shut up?

@Matt
*bows in praise*

Dear Urinal, My girlfriend is just constantly bitching at me, what should I do?

@Matt
This is a winner… But in the interest of fairness I submit my own:
Dear Urinal, You’ve probably witnessed some ”together time” between two people, but can you say anything about some of the more unsavory moments?

dear urinal: my anniversary is coming up next week, my wife says im not romantic enough. So whatshould i put in my card?

@fail_man

I was thinking anniversaries too…

Dear Urinal,
My anniversary is coming up, and mother-in-law keeps arguing with me about what the etiquette is for the Silver and Golden anniversary. What can I say to her?