Ask A Urinal – Wisdom From Bathroom Graffitti

Dear Urinal, how do you hire a giant prostitute?

Dear Urinal, How did the Giant from Jack and the Beanstalk finally chill out, stop eating young englishmen, and meet the girl of his dreams?

Dear Urinal, I was playing “the name game” and got stumped on Sheniqua….any help?

Dear Urinal, I have a feeling my Girl friend Sheniqua is cheating on me, how would I be Sure?

Brace yo self foo, I be lookin’ fo a ho.

Dear Urinal, I’m in the market for a black boyfriend, how can I leave my number in a code only he will get?

Dear Urinal: Is there any proof that the 80s pop tune “Jenny 867-5309″ was, in fact, originally inspired by an African-American?

Dear Urinal, I was wondering what happened to tommy too-tones younger sister. Any ideas?

Dear Urinal, Was the last number a Fa or a Fo ?

Dear Urinal, What phone number ends calls with “hey hey hey, goodbye?”

Dear Urinal, Who can give me a tour of the Merrimac Farm in Nokesville, VA?

Dear Urinal, I like Martin Lawrence but what will happen to him if he can no longer find work?

Dear urinal, What were the words to the naming game?

Dear Urinal:

I’m tired of going to prostitutes who outsmart me. Is there anyone I can go to who couldn’t possibly be smarter than me?

Dear urinal, i want to start dating african american women, but i want to take things to the next level a lot quicker. any suggestions?

Dear Urinal, what’s a good example of giving a phone number with ebonics?

Dear Urinal, my phone’s number pad is phonetic. Do you know someone I can call?

Dear Urinal; I’m bored and my phone’s number pad is spelled phoneticly…Is there anyone I can call for help?

Dear Urinal: I am a hooker who can’t pronounce r’s. People make fun of my accent a lot. What should I do?

Dear Urinal,

My name is Sheniqua, and I’m an employee at Nokesville’s Merrimac Farm Wildlife Management Area. I’m looking for a way to advertise our wetlands as a fun place to visit. Any suggestions?

Dear Urinal,
My racism and my love of cliched graffiti templates are struggling for control. Is there any way I can get both out at once?

Dear Urinal,
I suffer from jungle fever and I want to find my Nubian queen to quench my thirst. Where, oh, where can I find the woman of my darkest darkest desires?

Yo Urinal,

Why fo’ my phone be havin’ letters on the buttons and whatnot?

Dear Urinal,
I need a morbidly obese stripper with a speech impediment. Any suggestions?

Dear Urinal,
Can you suggest a good nickname for my friend Sheniqua. One that we’ll both enjoy whenever I call her it.

Dear Urinal,
I want to improve my singing but I’m having a hard time warming up my voice. Any suggestions for warming up my voice?

Dear Urinal,
I, Mike Tyson, have lost my girl friend Sheniqua. If you see her can you have her call me at fee fi fo fee fi fo fi?

De’ Urina’,

I ga’ a proble’ finishi’ m’ wor’s. Kno’ othe’ peep’ wi’ thi’ proble’? I nee’ someon’ t’ connec’ wit’.

Dear Urinal, I am looking for some groovy new nonsense lyrics for my band. Our style is sort of early 90s rap meets the Beach Boys. Any ideas?

Dear Urinal, I’m looking for a good time with a giant named Sheniqua, but I lost her number. Do you know how I can contact her?

Dear Urinal: I’m looking for a good time with a racial stereotype, any ideas?

Wanama Wanama Hamana Hamana Whoda Whoda Ho Ho?

Dear Urinal: I was always a fan of the song Jenny/867-5309 by Tommy Tutone and I want to modernize it for my friend Sheniqua. Any ideas?

Dear Urinal, how do I find out if Sheniqua still lives there?

Yo Urinal,

Fo’ chem class this week, I gotta lay down a funky beat usin’ the chemical formulas of sodium compounds, but I can’t come up with no lyrics. Help a brother out, would you?

Dear Urinal, I’m heartbroken over my bad breakup with my ex, Miriam Weinburgstein, and am looking for something new and different for a rebound… do you have any ideas?

Dear Urinal, VVh47′5 73h 0pp05173 0f 1337 h4×0r 14ngu4g3????///

Dear Urinal,

I’m looking fo a good time and fo my Nana. How can i get in touch with them? I have a FoN so I can call if necessary.

Dear Urinal: I’m lonely.

Dear Urinal, I don’t fit in with the others in the hood, and I think it is my name and number. Do you have a name I can go by and a new way to say my number, 449-4954?

Dear Urinal,
I need a morbidly obese stripper with a speech impediment. Any ideas?

Dear Urinal —
Need a hot new song for my comeback tour. Something catchy and yet modern. Any thoughts? Love, Tommy Tutone

@heidrance
you are stealing my shit man

Dear Urinal –
How can I rake in customers that are illiterate to numbers?
Yours, Bones.

dear urinal,
how come Sheniqua dont live here no mo?

Dear Urinal-
I’m incredibly bored, and wracking my brain trying to think of that old band with “Bowzer” in it. What can I do for entertainment, and can you throw me a clue on the band?

Dear Urinal-
This girl gave me her number last night at a bar and i lost it. Do you know it?

@Matt
I feel dumb but please explain this to me. I tried it phonetically and it still doesn’t make sense.

Dear Urinal,
I’m a really good student, but I’m having a lot of trouble in Ebonics class. The teacher is just so boring! Can you recommend a tutor who can make Ebonics fun?

If you’re going to write a joke about World of Warcraft, at least get it right. I don’t know a single MMORPG (or MMO in general) where you can “buy life points”.

You get health points by leveling up.

Not buying them.