Ask A Urinal – Wisdom From Bathroom Graffitti

Dear Urinal,
What would you say to your evil twin?

Dear Urinal,
Why on earth does the person who runs this website select the dumbest questions? I guess he thinks they are original. What does he think about his beard?

Dear Urinal,
What’s good compliment to give a college party goer, but delivered in snide and sarcastic way?

Dear Urinal,
I’m a lumberjack trying to get away from the lumberjack look. What do you think of my new style?

Dear Urinal,
Is Colonel Sanders beard original recipe or extra crispy?

Dear Urinal,
What’s the worst way to tell your girlfriend you don’t like the style of her pubic hair?

Dear Urinal, what’s a sure-fire way to get roundhouse-kicked?

Dear Urinal, Why did Santa put coal in my stocking? Was it something I said?

Dear Urinal: My boyfriend is growing a beard becuase he thinks it makes him look more masculine. I think it makes him look like Dane Cook. How do I tell him what I think in the most passive-aggressive way possible?

Dear Urinal, What was the last thing John Wilkes Booth said to Lincoln before he pulled the trigger?

Dear Urinal, What did the muff diver say when he encountered the elusive bearded clam?

Dear Urinal, I’ve had my bikini area waxed but it’s turned out really bad. How can I break the tension when my boyfriend notices and goes in for a closer inspection?

Dear Urinal, what do you think of my freshly grown goatee?

@Musstopher

you are a genius.

yeah i’m going to have to say ninja turtles trump chuck norris

Dear Urinal, I’ve been wearing flannel shirts and black rimmed glasses, often quote Nietzsche and have even name-dropped french indie bands, why can’t I make friends?

Dear Urinal, If i wanted to induce “Death by Sarcasm” what would one say to Chuck Norris?

@Shep333
Dare we have back to back chuck norris references?

Dear Urinal, how do you make an indie rocker cry?

Dear Urinal,

I am the second coming of Jesus Christ, but I can’t seem to convince people. What do you think I’m doing wrong?

Dear Urinal,

What do you think of Duncan Nutter’s marriage?

Dear Urinal, Chuck Norris is coming to town, what can I say to him to piss him off enough to make him kill me?

Dear Urinal:
I need a sentiment for Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes’ anniversary card…

Dear Urinal, How do I infuriate the Amish?

Dear Urinal, how’s my ironic facial hair? Be honest.

What are the final words of anyone who talked to Chuck Norris?

Penicillin usually clears the oozing up within 4 to 5 days.

Dear Urinal, I found a curious brown stain on my lip after bobbing for apples at my halloween party…can you please tell me why my friends were making fun of me so much for this?

@Musstopher
I like this one!

Dear Urinal: In lord of the ring, what did the elves say to upset the dwarfs?

Dear Urinal, I’m trying to decide what to say to my neighbor in order to tell them that their bikini line really needs to be shaved, any suggestions?

Dear Urinal, what would be appropriate to say to Tom Cruise?

Chuck Norris jokes suck. Just saying

Dear Urinal, I have backstage passes. What should I say to impress ZZ Top?

Dear Urinal, What did the bearded lady say to Janet Reno?

Dear Urinal: What can I say to the hipsters that keep making fun of my shoes?

Dear Urinal, what do you think Gandalf would say to Dumbledore if the two ever met?

I’m not a fan of Norris jokes either… just though it would be recognizable.

Dear Urinal, What shouldn’t I say to my new girlfriend, Shaniqua?

Janet Reno jokes? …your references are sooooooo 1997

Dear Urinal, what was Al Borland’s alias in episode 71 of Home Improvement?

Dear Urinal, I’m into elderly bohemian women, but I can’t seem to find my soul mate. Do you know of any good pick-up lines I can use to meet the ladies?

Dear Urinal, What should be my opening line if I ever meet Johnny Depp?

@other matt
harsh.

Dear Urinal, what do you think of Billy Mays’ beard?

[...too soon?]

Dear Urinal, what did Legolas say to Gimli when they first met?

Dear Urinal,
I am a gay man, but I do not wish anyone to discover this. I have come up with a unique solution to this problem. I have married a woman. I think this is very clever and unusual. What do you think?

@Double I
Dear Urinal, what did Janet Reno say to Nancy Pelosi?

Billy Mays here. What feedback would you give my look?

Dear Urinal: What does a toilet say to a girl who hasn’t shaved in 6 months?